Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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