drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
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then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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