before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
