At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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