Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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