My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
