Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
