your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
