I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
