hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
