when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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