i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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