pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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