Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
