I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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