I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
