First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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