Please, let me fuck your mom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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