told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to calm my uterus...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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