I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
