it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
