i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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