Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
