Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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