Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
