its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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