you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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