"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
