I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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