so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
