i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
