Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
