im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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