Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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