Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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