I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
