At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
