i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
