Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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