Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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