I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
