No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So many bounce houses so little time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
