I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
