I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
