I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i believe in u and ur pee
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
