Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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