Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
