i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I believe in your delicious
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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