I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
