Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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