and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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