Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
