So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
