so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
