I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
