I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
