Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
