My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
