Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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