Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
