Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
