Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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