I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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