You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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