The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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