Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
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