just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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