I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
