just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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