mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
