I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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