I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That's when you crack a 10am beer
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
