My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
