Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
