Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You pole danced in your parka.
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Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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