I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
