I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
