There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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