dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.