just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"