if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.