What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?