and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
The struggles of a small town man whore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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