You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.