You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
