Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
