Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
