At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize